Confused...

i really dont know how to describe my feeling now..
i'm so confused...
is this really me ??
the exam is still going on...
1 week more...
and...
i already give up...
i wonder why...
i know my weakness..but...i never try my best..did i ?
i really dont know what am i doing now...
i suppose to take a book and read or do revision..
in the end...what i have done ?
i 'm just sitting here and waste my time...
this evening i play maple...
i cannot say that i'm very happy to play maple...
because although i'm so excited with the new job released...but in my heart...
i was so hurt...i hurt myself...did i ?
phy , chem and add math...can i really survive this time ?
if i really did survive...then what about my spm later?
i know everything i'm doing right now is not correct...
but i never take action for it...har?? why??
i also dont know why!!!
last week , during phy exam...
i'm so dissapointed with my answers...
i study last minutes..and so ??
i get 'O' knowledge...
i totally too nervous until i forget how to answer the question , even i study the question before...
what can i do now ??
i'm so stupid...
why cant i make a decision for my own ?

after this mid year exam...
there is 2 weeks of holidays..
will i use this time to improve/do revision??
now i'm 70% sure that i will never do that..
i will jus sitting there and play..
if i really do the same thing until the real SPM comes...
i will make my parents sad..
they put so much of hope on me..
they dont hope for anything from me..
but to study and get good result so that i can find a better job next time..
oh my...i really..so confuse now...
i really dont know what i should do...
my tears lies on my cheeks for nothing...