How will be my future ?

Tired....
I'm really tired...
What am i tired of?
I'm tired of choosing !
study or working ?
Mann , now only i know that i'm not really mature as how you think i am...
Many people continues study after F5 life , including my friends...
Well..study ? hah ! When i was in F5 , i never think of continue study...
Ya , my friends told me study is important especially now to the girls !
What I can do with it huh ?
i dont even can choose a course that i really interested in....
Choosing a course you like is not as easy as we say...
Once you took the wrong course , a cross (x) will appear in ur way...
all ur times and efforts will be wasted !
Ok , what about working ?
I asked my ex-boss...
He might need office worker....
And he also looking for people who know to decorate fresh flowers...
If i took the job as office worker , i think that is not a problem...
but if i do wan take decorate fresh flowers as a job...
the boss says , he might need to send me and sponsor me go to Subang and study the flower course...
but in return i have to work for his company for 2-3 years...
what do you think ?
well , if i really start working , it doesnt mean that i will work forever...
maybe while working , i will get some idea on what course i shd study ?
nevermind...
boss also under considering and he will give me call next week...

last day i ask my mom...
if i really not working and i wan to continue study..
can i got to UTAR , Kampar and stay over there ?
She just answered me with 1 word 'No' !
She don't let me stay alone outside...
and also no1 can fetch me go and back from college...
because it is too far...
transportation is also a problem...
haiz...very fan....
i don like choosing...
but if i don choose , how will be my future ?
i think , whatever i choose also...
there is always a way...
a light that will bring me to the future...
gambateh ! be and think positively !
gogogo! go forward !

actually before now , my mind was filled with evil / bad spirit...
i was once feel like suiciding....
i'm so useless and bothersome...
but i know suiciding can't solve the problem....
that time i really very very depressed....
i always go chat with my friends about my problem...
i feel myself very 'ma fan'
very 'fan'
until i afraid i scare my friends away...
but they never...
they give me many courages and supports....
i really want to say 'thousand of thankyou to them'
thank you all...
I might not be ur best friend but you really make my life fantastic, my friends!
daisuki minna ~
those who read this , please dont get shocked...
now i'm very fine...
everything is back to normal...
happy and laughters as usual ME =D
take care all ^^